elietalksalot

Overbearing
emotions and decisions
mistakes and apathy
i feel so much
but so little at the same time
im so motivated
but not at all
i get things done
but somehow i also dont

my mind is like
a complex whirl
of happiness
and sorrow
of drive
and emptiness

the past week
ive been so creative
but the last two nights
ive not wanted to make anything
at all

im normal and fine
until the depression
hits me again
like a punch to the gut
and the anxiety worsens
and the paranoia comes home

Had a four hour shift today. It was pretty good!
I kind of felt like I was running around doing five million little tasks but it kept me occupied. I got to work with the coworkers I like so that was nice.

I've been getting into the band Crywank again. Amazing songs, although a little depressing.

I have a lot of energy right now though. Maybe it's the insane amount of caffeine I've had today. I don't know. Usually I don't have this much energy after work but I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls right now.

It's better than feeling depressed though so I'll take it LOL.

I decided to go on a walk to the grocery store today. I bought a four pack of coffee, I've never had this brand before so we will see how it tastes!

It's like 90 degrees out, but for the majority of the time the weather was quite nice because of a cool breeze. I also bought some granola bars :p

I have work at 5, so we'll put this new coffee to the test in a couple hours. I also have some homework I need to get done, so I will probably work on that now (and maybe listen to some more music... I'm thinking Panic! at the Disco).

On my walk I listened to Full Collapse by Thursday on these amazing headphones I got in Japan! Full Collapse is an amazing album by the way, I totally recommend it if you are into punk/screamo!

I enjoyed myself quite a lot, despite the heat. I really do enjoy walking and music (and coffee lol!).

There's something so nostalgic about fall. It's my favorite season but I find myself thinking back to other times. It's not even fully fall yet, its only August 27th.

I can feel it in the hot, humid air though. The leaves fall in my mind because they don't fall here. Fall doesn't really exist in California though, I like to believe it does. Part of me does wish that more leaves changed here but I also cannot handle the cold.

I've been feeling so weird lately. My first year of college has started and I feel so blind to knowledge I feel like I'm supposed to know. I don't know what I want to do in life at all. I can't see myself more than a year out. I'm taking everyday one step at a time and there's something so scary at the realization that I'm an adult.

I love art so much and if I had it my way I would be pursuing art, but what can I do in life with that degree? I'm majoring in psychology, and although I love the subject and it feels like it comes easy to me, I don't know if its something I want to pursue. I don't know. We'll see what happens.

I usually don't like writing at all, especially when it's about myself, but I've been getting the itch to write recently... so we'll see where this goes!