elietalksalot

Overbearing

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 07:34:07 GMT

Overbearing
emotions and decisions
mistakes and apathy
i feel so much
but so little at the same time
im so motivated
but not at all
i get things done
but somehow i also dont

my mind is like
a complex whirl
of happiness
and sorrow
of drive
and emptiness

the past week
ive been so creative
but the last two nights
ive not wanted to make anything
at all

im normal and fine
until the depression
hits me again
like a punch to the gut
and the anxiety worsens
and the paranoia comes home

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It’s Been Awhile

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 04:09:39 GMT

the sun hangs low but still swelters
like a burning thought u cant help let linger
california summers hang over until winter
like this hang over ive been nursing forever

forever.

forever.

forever is a commitment
one that i’m not sure i can make

forever in debt to this work
forever in debt to please

is this really what life is supposed to be
monotonous routines and even more boring people

the only thing i do here is walk
walk
walk until my legs give out
in a desperate attempt to enjoy this town
and it works for a short while
until i get sucked into the routine of life again

im not necessarily depressed or apathetic
i have energy that i want to let out
but i don’t think this is the right place for me to
sprout
my aspirations

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Shifts

Sat, 11 Oct 2025 05:04:10 GMT

Had a four hour shift today. It was pretty good!
I kind of felt like I was running around doing five million little tasks but it kept me occupied. I got to work with the coworkers I like so that was nice.

I've been getting into the band Crywank again. Amazing songs, although a little depressing.

I have a lot of energy right now though. Maybe it's the insane amount of caffeine I've had today. I don't know. Usually I don't have this much energy after work but I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls right now.

It's better than feeling depressed though so I'll take it LOL.

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Life and Ipods

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 18:53:42 GMT

Recently found my old ipod hand-me-down. I want to use my phone less so I've been pretty much bringing the ipod everywhere with me. All I can do on it is imsg and music which is great because it forces me to not scroll.
I have a lot of shit due by Wednesday plus midterms on Wednesday as well. Kind of stressing out lol. My dumbass decided I wanted to drink last night so I feel a bit shitty right now but its okay #whatevs.

Anyway, I transferred my Spotify playlist and some albums to my ipod. I think I have 472 songs on it currently! I hope to add some more songs soon, it's just kind of a pain in the ass to do so. Lots of converting files and getting free trials to apps.

I have about 40 minutes until my next class starts, so I am just sitting here writing. I bought these amazing boots this weekend. They are Harley Davidson boots that reach just below the knee. I've been looking for boots like this forever and ended up finding them in an antique store :p

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A walk and some caffeine

Sat, 30 Aug 2025 22:08:48 GMT

I decided to go on a walk to the grocery store today. I bought a four pack of coffee, I've never had this brand before so we will see how it tastes!

It's like 90 degrees out, but for the majority of the time the weather was quite nice because of a cool breeze. I also bought some granola bars :p

I have work at 5, so we'll put this new coffee to the test in a couple hours. I also have some homework I need to get done, so I will probably work on that now (and maybe listen to some more music... I'm thinking Panic! at the Disco).

On my walk I listened to Full Collapse by Thursday on these amazing headphones I got in Japan! Full Collapse is an amazing album by the way, I totally recommend it if you are into punk/screamo!

I enjoyed myself quite a lot, despite the heat. I really do enjoy walking and music (and coffee lol!).

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Art Class and HTML

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 06:34:55 GMT

I decided to take an oil painting class this semester and I had class today!
It was fun, although all we did was do some black and white value studies basically. So not that exciting but I enjoy being in an art class regardless.
I also thought it would be a great idea to try to ride my bike to school on the bike path... lets just say I'm severely out of shape LOL (had to take a break on my way).
But Anyway, I want to figure out html on here... I see other people with decked out profiles and I'd like to customize mine as well.
I have some experience with html on SpaceHey and just messing around on my computer. So, I can probably figure it out on here (hopefully).

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First Post - Fall

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 06:13:42 GMT

There's something so nostalgic about fall. It's my favorite season but I find myself thinking back to other times. It's not even fully fall yet, its only August 27th.

I can feel it in the hot, humid air though. The leaves fall in my mind because they don't fall here. Fall doesn't really exist in California though, I like to believe it does. Part of me does wish that more leaves changed here but I also cannot handle the cold.

I've been feeling so weird lately. My first year of college has started and I feel so blind to knowledge I feel like I'm supposed to know. I don't know what I want to do in life at all. I can't see myself more than a year out. I'm taking everyday one step at a time and there's something so scary at the realization that I'm an adult.

I love art so much and if I had it my way I would be pursuing art, but what can I do in life with that degree? I'm majoring in psychology, and although I love the subject and it feels like it comes easy to me, I don't know if its something I want to pursue. I don't know. We'll see what happens.

I usually don't like writing at all, especially when it's about myself, but I've been getting the itch to write recently... so we'll see where this goes!

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